the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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