I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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