Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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