Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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