my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's Friday. Sex?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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