We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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