I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Congratulations! We have a period
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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