I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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