girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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