I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize