Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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