3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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