So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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