Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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