can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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