okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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