Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I deserve this hangover.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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