Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize