cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize