You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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