i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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