It's Friday. Sex?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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