He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize