He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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