he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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