I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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