My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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