Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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