he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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