i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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