I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize