I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize