Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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