I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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