I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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The power of my boobs compel you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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