Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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