i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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