First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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