My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize