Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
time to smoke my breakfast
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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