Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize