seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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