i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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