I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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