im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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