I will die if light touches me.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize