Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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