I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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