...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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