I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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